We all dare to dream...

As children we are taught to dream. We are taught to aim high, that the sky is the limit, that we can be and do anything we set our minds to. Some of the things that were dreams of mine over the last 24 years are as follows...

gain a career as a fire fighter

become an international rockstar

take ballet classes

have a father figure

see my parents reconciled

make good friends

travel the world

escape those who brought abuse into my life as a child

teach chemistry as a lab technician

graduate high school

lead a missions team

drop out of college

finish college

obtain a 3.5 GPA

get married

change the world

I have seen some of these dreams realized, but obviously, some of these things were and continue to be completely out of my control. For example, there is nothing that I could have done to see my parents relationship healed, nor could I have chosen a father figure to replace the void in my life due to the end of my parents' marriage. No amount of decision or choice or maturity or goal setting could allow me to see these things become reality. These aren't dreams that I could attain by my own volition and will. 

Similarly, homelessness and poverty are not the result of choices made. There are circumstances to which some are born into that cannot be escaped as easily as it may seem. We do not scorn those born into majority world (or third world) countries for not having been born into more affluent families. We do not judge children who have been abandoned by careless parents for not having been more responsible. We do not assume that those whose lives have been paralyzed by disease have asked for the hand that was dealt to them. Yet we marginalize others for their homelessness that we, as a society, have chosen on their behalf in so many ways.

You'll notice that mental health issues, sexual exploitation, addictions, and poor food security never made my list of goals throughout my life. As a child I never dreamt of becoming homeless. This may come as a surprise but the same is true of my friends within The Mustard Seed community.

Nobody chooses homelessness or poverty. Nobody dreams of these things.

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Follow me on Twitter @katcardinal

On Helping

I was walking home from work last Saturday evening when I heard a woman’s voice calling out down the sidewalk. With tears streaming down her face, she was standing by the road waving her arms and yelling at passing cars, “Help! Help! Why won’t anyone help me?!” It was getting dark and snowing heavily- no one was stopping.

I walked towards her, admittedly a little nervous. When I reached her, she collapsed into sobs in my arms, continuing to cry, “Why won’t anyone help me?!” As I talked with “Dawn”, it came out that she had missed two days of methadone treatments, and was in a lot of withdrawal pain. As well, one of her feet was extremely swollen, and an earlier stroke had affected a lot of her physical movements.

Dawn told me that when she went to the hospital to see about her foot and about getting methadone, she was told she was going to have to wait and shouldn’t come to the hospital when she was high. She left after waiting for four hours, but when she tried to go back to her apartment, her methadone withdrawal symptoms made her neighbours lock her out after accusing her of “being a druggie”.

As Dawn wandered the streets in pain and frustration, she began to yell at passing traffic to stop and help her. By the time I found her, Dawn was utterly convinced that everyone passing by just thought she was a “dirty hooker drug addict”, and that’s why they wouldn’t stop. As we stood in the snow, Dawn’s pain was palpable as told me how hard it is to change- she didn’t work the streets anymore and was getting off drugs, but still no one seemed to believe she was anything but a “worthless crackhead”. She asked me how she was supposed to believe in herself if no one else seemed to. Her own self-worth had taken another huge blow from all her negative experiences that day- they had reinforced her belief that she would never really be able to make a difference in her own life, that no one wanted to help her.

I asked Dawn what help she wanted- did she want me to call an ambulance? Give her a bus ticket? Walk with her back to her apartment? It turns out she didn’t want any of those things- I think she had been yelling for help in the deepest sense: “Help me to believe in myself. Help me to change. Help me find hope.”

Dawn has challenged me to consider more fully what we mean when we say we want to “help” people affected by poverty- I'm realizing it is sometimes easier, and so much more complicated, then we think.

Poetry

A few weeks ago Alan, a resident in our new apartment building, shared this poem with me that he had written and told me that I could share this poem because he wanted to help raise awareness around the issues of poverty.  This poem reinforces to be the fact that people don't grow up dreaming about being homeless- they dream the same dreams that we do; travelling the world, falling in love, starting a business, going to school or having a family.

Sleepy Angel

By Alan

I watched her quietly sleep with a slight smile on her face.

Maybe she was dreaming about when her mother threw her a birthday party when she was just six.

Or when she dreamed about being married to a Prince when she was a little girl.

Away she laid quietly sleeping on a cold winter night on a sidewalk downtown Edmonton.

What is Justice?

What is Justice?
Have you ever considered the word “justice”?

Here’s how the dictionary defines it:
jus•tice noun 1.: The quality of being just; righteousness, equitableness, or moral rightness: to uphold the justice of a cause. 2. The administering of deserved punishment or reward. (Dictionary.com)

The Bible talks about justice in a lot of different ways:

Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause. Isaiah 1:17

But let justice roll down like waters And righteousness like an ever-flowing stream. Amos 5:24

But what does all this talk about justice really mean for us? Administer punishment to the person we see littering? Go pleading for the widows to our government officials? Can we turn on a tap and see justice flow out like water? How does justice actually work? What does it look like?

Theologian Walter Brueggemann writes, “covenant members who practice justice and righteousness are to be active advocates for the poor and marginalized; that’s how we love God, by actively loving our neighbor.” Civil rights activist Cornel West says, “Never forget that justice is what love looks like in public.”

God’s justice is all about equality. The invitation of the Gospel is to live in such a way that aims to correct the inequalities in our community; sharing resources, knowledge, and opportunity. I like how the prophet Amos says, “Let justice roll down like waters.” The neat thing about water is that it spreads out equally wherever it is; it fills all areas in the same way. This is how I imagine justice to look- like water in a pond, there may be an uneven bottom, but the top is level; equal, all the areas of the pond are filled with water. Water doesn’t judge the bottom of the pond, which nook or cranny is worthy of being filled, it just fills everything up equally.

Perhaps that is how justice should work today. Loving our neighbor like water filling a pond; not judging the worthiness of the neighbor, just filling each one up with love and justice equally.

The following is a link to a video about Justice. It asks us: “If justice and injustice were embodied by humans, what would they have to say to us? Whose voice would sound more familiar?”

Have a look HERE to find out.

A Vicious Cycle

January is a tough month for people who use the services at The Mustard Seed.  I probably would go as far as to say it is the worst month of year.  Anyone that relies on government assistance gets their January cheques a week earlier in December to allow for people to buy gifts or prep for holidays which means that by January 1^st most of the money is gone. January begins the month long wait for the next cheque.  Money is tight.

The frustrating thing about living on government assistance is that it is a hand out not always a hand up.  The average single person receives roughly $583 per month.   People on welfare may have lost their job, suffered some phsycial or mental disability or struggle with an addiction.  Can you imagine living on $583/month?  I couldn’t afford to pay my rent with that let alone buy groceries, pay utilities and have a phone.  Because of this people are constantly living from paycheck to paycheck and this begins the vicious cycle of poverty.  Lots of time is spent trying to track down the nearest food bank,  a free meal, shoes or hygiene items because they never have enough money.  How are people expected to get a job if they don’t have a safe place sleep, shower and wash their clothes?  How do you get a job if you don’t have a phone number for an employer to call you back for an interview?  Welfare is a challenging system for people to be a part of and does not always allow for opportunities for people to escape the cycle of poverty.

If you are more interested on the conversation of living on welfare you can follow MLA Jagrup Brar who has taken on the challenge of living on welfare for the month of January.  Be sure to follow this story throughout the month of January by keeping track of events and comments at http://mlaonwelfare.com/ 

The Children Who Lead Us All

It was a cold and blowy day on Street Level two weeks ago. There was a knock on the doors and the wind blew in a little boy and his dad. The little boy announced “my name is Billy and I am 7” and proudly held up 7 fingers. Billy then explained, “Yesterday was my 7th birthday. Instead of presents for me I asked all my friends to bring a gift for the Mustard Seed.” Billy then handed over $80 in $5 dollar bills and a bundle of Tim Horton’s gift cards. Last week a little boy and his parents came for a tour, and he too brought gifts for the Mustard Seed, which he had asked for instead of gifts for himself for his birthday. On Friday I did a tour for a mom and her two children, who had the afternoon off from school. The kids each explained that they had their own rooms at home and were shocked when I told them that the people who sleep in our shelter have 369 roommates in their bedroom!

The Bible says, in Matthew 18:3, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Often it is easy to become bitter or negative or doubtful of the good of mankind as we watch the news or read the paper or see some of the things that go on around us. But it is important, no it is critical, that we remember that there is so much good, so much kindness and such commitment on the parts of many parents to ensure that their children truly understand not only how blessed they are but how important it is to take responsibility for our communities as a whole. This is where change begins, in the innocent and non-judgmental heart of a child who will truly lead us all.

Real People

"I want to stay because people here care about me" muttered Laura (not her real name) as she sat sobbing on the bench in the lobby. My co-worker, Joel, and I attempted to ease the pain of the reality that she would not be able to stay at our shelter any longer, due to various medical issues that we were unable to accommodate - not the least of which was her passing out mid-sentence and nearly falling to the floor on a number of occasions.  This may sound strange that someone in this state would "want" to stay at an emergency homeless shelter, but it is not an uncommon desire among many of the guests that utilize The Mustard Seed's services. 

My name is Jordan, and I work frontline at The Mustard Seed Shelter in Calgary. For someone like Laura, an elderly individual who had been on the streets for a number of years, slipping through the cracks, and being cycled through the system, living off of a very small monthly cheque from the government and picking bottles for a living, it is very easy to feel alone. Couple this with her mild personality and small figure and it made her somewhat forgettable.  With her failing body, being on over two dozen prescription medications, and her deteriorating mental health in a battle to overcome severe depression, her situation was very bleak. And as I sat there and witnessed the anguish in her face, while trying to fight my own tears of sorrow, I had once again been reminded of the humanity and unsurpassable worth of the person sitting in front of me.  This lady was not a statistic, or a number, or my "work", she was, is, a real person, who has real pain, just like me.

I no longer appreciate the term "homeless people/person", when you use the word homeless as a title to describe someone, you are attaching a very painful and traumatic experience to their identity, creating a cultural divide of "us and them".  The reality is that these are valuable, legitimate members of society who are experiencing homelessness.  Yes, many of them have made decisions that have born negative consequences and may very well have put them in the place they are in, but to strip someone of value and worth because of their social standing, or even because of the wrong decisions they have made, is a travesty, and it is often only a reflection of how insignificant we ourselves feel.  So I have decided because of Laura and others like her, I will know longer work to serve the 'homeless' but rather, I will serve real people who do not have a home. Semantics? Maybe.  But also something to think about.


Jordan T. Swaim
Overnight Support Worker