Hope in The Eyes of a Summer Student

Hello, my name is Walter. I'm the summer student in the Employment Centre here at the Mustard Seed.

Recently Desiree, my neighbor, and I had an interesting discussion about hope, the topic of which has been a recurring theme for me this summer.  She told me of her encounter on the previous day, on the streets of Calgary where she had witnessed humanity in its most savage, and depraved form.  Two men had, without reasonable prompting, proceeded to pummel another man in the face. The police eventually arrived to break up the crowd, but with tempers flaring, their arrival only seemed to make things worse.

These kinds of angry street scenes seem to be common occurrences during my stay.    From my open window downtown I regularly hear bouts of drunken rage, nicely garnished with horrific swear words and slurred threats.

Many of our guests have had traumatic life experiences, witnessed brutal and inhuman acts of injustice and lived in a violent world where alcohol is seen as the only logical form of escape.  After living in such overbearing circumstances, I wonder if there ever comes a point in which a person can no longer be helped with his or her burden.   When is that point reached in which they’ve almost lost their defining traits of humanity and simply become instinctive rage-induced beings?  Many would argue that there is always a glimmer of hope in every human.  Yet time and time again we seem to have visitors at our door who never change.  They keep coming back where they erupt into explosions of rage over minor things, inflict unnecessary physical and emotional pain on others, and they seem to have withdrawn completely from the consequences of their actions.  Can someone reach that point of no return?  Or will there always be a glimmer of hope?  I don’t claim to know the answer; I don’t think humans can know the answer.

What seems to matter though is the way we react.  I can’t judge the reactions of those on the scene that weekend.  Yet I strongly believe that harsh reactions go against everything the Mustard Seed believes in.  We convey hope in our actions:  if we are disrespectful to guests it may be interpreted that he or she is a hopeless cause, and when we show love then we project hope. 

Maybe the question of hope doesn’t lie in whether or not humans can reach a point of no return but, instead, whether or not the people around these “hopeless causes” will act in a way that cultivates hope in their souls. During my time here I’ve realized that The Mustard Seed is on the forefront of projecting hope to the hopeless, yet there is always room for improvement.  We should never stop wondering whether or not we’re growing hope or tearing it down with our actions. 

Ask yourself, in your daily interactions are you being hopeful and loving with the people who least deserve it? 


- Walter

“I AM a POSITIVE Person, Jerkface!”

I look at him. He looks at me. He is definitely drunk, but I easily see past that; not a good skill to have, really. I work the door at The Mustard Seed in Edmonton during meals and do my best to prevent all drug and alcoholic users from entering our zero-tolerance force field. He starts swearing - not in a mean or threatening way, but with very honest indignation. Standing straight, his left knee is pulled unnaturally out to the side as if a muscle-head wrestler bent it the wrong way and forgot to put it back. He manages to hold this position as the rest of his body sways back and forth in his alcohol-induced state. He has waited a few years for knee surgery and, out of his hatred of prescription painkillers, he uses alcohol to survive the day and sleep at night. Good news: he just got an appointment with a clinic so that he can soon get the surgery. I try to be positive. “Be happy, friend! You will be getting the surgery soon”. Bad move Jeremiah. He swears again. This time directed at me with both honest frustration and sheer meanness. He is obviously not in a very positive mood.

People have said I'm a positive person. I have noticed, however, that it is very difficult to be positive to those who have witnessed, and been victim to, atrocious things. They see the world through the tainted lens of these traumatic experiences and comprehend my positive remarks as mere fiction and fantasy outside their own perspective. My positivity is not a valid part of their “real world”. It has been a goal of mine to ground my optimism in reality and in a way that they can understand. This has been difficult, although, I have made some progress.

One community member, who is a regular here at The Mustard Seed, was having some trouble with employment and getting his identification. I wanted to encourage him so I took something from his “world” – his regular attendance at The Mustard Seed – and relayed it back to him in a positive way. I simply said that he was a positive influence in the community of The Mustard Seed. This was also grounded in the real, in his world, because I had noticed his generosity to other community members. And I think he got the message.

Leave me a comment and let me know what the real world is through your lens.

Love Lots,

Jeremiah

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The Size of a Mustard Seed

I recently had the opportunity to write about The Mustard Seed for a national faith-based magazine. I thought you might be interested in a few of my thoughts on life in the inner city. Enjoy!

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The inner city. There are probably words, ideas, and stories that come to mind when you think of the inner city community that exists in your city. Words like “addiction,” “poverty,” and “homelessness” may have surrounded or influenced the images of the inner city that, for whatever reason, have planted themselves in your mind and understanding. However, these characteristics are not the whole truth, nor are they the definers, of inner city communities. This was a lesson I learned firsthand only through experience, only as I made the inner city my community, only as I built real relationships in this community. The catalyst that started my journey into the inner city is a place I now look at with deep love and respect, a place known across the city of Edmonton as The Mustard Seed.

The Mustard Seed is a Christian not-for-profit organization that delivers basic services, housing and employment to those in need, and partners with the community to address poverty. As an organization, we affect change in the lives of people living in poverty through building community and building mutually respecting and mutually edifying relationships within the community. We are inspired by our faith to help those in need – physically, emotionally and spiritually – and we support people of faith from all denominations as part of our commitment to follow the example of Christ in bringing dignity to the marginalized. Our work is about meeting the basic needs and developing the gifts and talents of our community. The venue through which much of this is practically communicated is through our meal program and drop-in activities.

Foundational to The Mustard Seed’s drop-in recreational programming is the idea that broken relationships are central to the issue of poverty. It seems that perhaps what first needs to be addressed in the lives of those living in poverty is the need for healthy relationships. The staff, volunteers, and community members that compose The Mustard Seed community fully understand this reality. For us, tangibly embodying this means opening our space for drop-in activities like karaoke on Tuesdays, art night on Thursdays, and Hockey Night in Canada on Saturdays. In addition to these evening programs we also have a volunteer-run sewing program, we serve as a food depot that operates out of the Edmonton Food Bank, we regularly give free haircuts, and we redistribute gently used clothing and household items through our Personal Assistance Centre.

While these programs comprise only a portion of our Basic Services programs, these are the programs that create opportunity for authentic relationship, which can then serve as an entryway to next-level programs and services like advocacy, housing, and employment. Without first laying the foundation of relationship – that is, without knowing the stories of the people we serve – it is near impossible to make further connections to other services that are available through The Mustard Seed and other surrounding social agencies. If authentic relationship – that is to say, relationship without particular agenda – is not given primary focus in our outflow of services, we’ve not accomplished our goal.

It is because of genuine relationships within this community that I feel a belonging and connectedness to the inner city. The inner city neighbourhood that I have chosen to adopt as my own community tends to be associated with need, crime, and other characteristics that often incite fear and negative attitudes and opinions, perhaps similar to the images that came to your mind when first reading the words inner city. I’ll admit, prior to my experience in this community I had fallen victim to similar ideas.

The truth about the inner city – about any neighbourhood – is that relationships are what define a community, a truth that resounds within me because of my personal experiences within the inner city. It has been nearly two years since I started my employment at The Mustard Seed and I consider my time here to be an honour and a privilege. Without acceptance into this community I never would have met Thomas*, a man in his mid-40s diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD). Thomas has been separated from his family for the majority of his life, leading to his on-again-off-again homelessness, and he is unable to retain a full time job due to numerous health issues, all of which has led to occasional intravenous drug use. My friendship with Thomas has had its ups and downs, but every time I see him he is nearly in tears expressing his gratitude to be a part of a community that cares about the details of his everyday experiences, a community where people actually know his name. Thomas’ reality is that The Mustard Seed community is often the only place he feels like he is accepted, a place where he belongs.

As my relationships with people like Thomas deepen, my commitment to this community only solidifies further. Thomas’ smile and words of appreciation may appear small, but it is through Thomas that I am reminded that it is in the little things that life, love, hope and joy are found. These little things might often be as small as a mustard seed.

An Invitation

Whenever I'm spending time with our community in the drop-in I often wonder how newcomers to the neighbourhood, as well as the greater community of Edmonton, perceive our community with an "outsider" perspective. I mean, there are some reactions that I could predict: fear of the unknown, the perpetuation of stereotypes of the urban poor and the homeless, a desire to remain separated from those who are different... But maybe the people who regularly hang out in our drop-in facility and other agencies like it are not as different from us as we might think.

Our community is often said to be an unhealthy one, and for some that is most definitely true. For the recovering addict, the inner city could be just one big trigger. For the ex-gang member the inner city might represent flooding memories of intense violence. But not everyone from this neighbourhood is in recovery. There are some for whom this community is filled with deep and meaningful relationships, friends who have become more like family, people who give one another worth, and value, and meaning. In the midst of this dichotomous world of health and instability, The Mustard Seed stands as a refuge for people regardless of what side of the fence they may be on this day.

Isn't it safe to say that all of us are constantly in need of some kind of healing or recovery? Aren't we all guilty of misguided decisions? I've travelled around the world and lived in several marginalized communities and I've learned the same lesson in each location: people are people are people no matter where you go. We have all done wrong and had wrong done to us. We are all just as broken as our brothers and sisters, and we are all looking to experience recovery.

The difference between us can be recognized in the support systems some have or don't have. Some of us have well-intentioned parents and families, some of us have churches and faith developing communities, some of us have hands constantly being reached out to us. Yet there are many who fall and are left to their own vices and devices, which for our community are usually limited.

But there is hope. There is hope that the ones who have received a hand up will outstretch their own hands to the next, to the other, and offer themselves to those who have been forgotten. Together we can build healthier communities, mentor relationships, and more diverse and unified neighbourhoods.

Think of this as an invitation. What will you do with it?

On Helping

I was walking home from work last Saturday evening when I heard a woman’s voice calling out down the sidewalk. With tears streaming down her face, she was standing by the road waving her arms and yelling at passing cars, “Help! Help! Why won’t anyone help me?!” It was getting dark and snowing heavily- no one was stopping.

I walked towards her, admittedly a little nervous. When I reached her, she collapsed into sobs in my arms, continuing to cry, “Why won’t anyone help me?!” As I talked with “Dawn”, it came out that she had missed two days of methadone treatments, and was in a lot of withdrawal pain. As well, one of her feet was extremely swollen, and an earlier stroke had affected a lot of her physical movements.

Dawn told me that when she went to the hospital to see about her foot and about getting methadone, she was told she was going to have to wait and shouldn’t come to the hospital when she was high. She left after waiting for four hours, but when she tried to go back to her apartment, her methadone withdrawal symptoms made her neighbours lock her out after accusing her of “being a druggie”.

As Dawn wandered the streets in pain and frustration, she began to yell at passing traffic to stop and help her. By the time I found her, Dawn was utterly convinced that everyone passing by just thought she was a “dirty hooker drug addict”, and that’s why they wouldn’t stop. As we stood in the snow, Dawn’s pain was palpable as told me how hard it is to change- she didn’t work the streets anymore and was getting off drugs, but still no one seemed to believe she was anything but a “worthless crackhead”. She asked me how she was supposed to believe in herself if no one else seemed to. Her own self-worth had taken another huge blow from all her negative experiences that day- they had reinforced her belief that she would never really be able to make a difference in her own life, that no one wanted to help her.

I asked Dawn what help she wanted- did she want me to call an ambulance? Give her a bus ticket? Walk with her back to her apartment? It turns out she didn’t want any of those things- I think she had been yelling for help in the deepest sense: “Help me to believe in myself. Help me to change. Help me find hope.”

Dawn has challenged me to consider more fully what we mean when we say we want to “help” people affected by poverty- I'm realizing it is sometimes easier, and so much more complicated, then we think.

Poetry

A few weeks ago Alan, a resident in our new apartment building, shared this poem with me that he had written and told me that I could share this poem because he wanted to help raise awareness around the issues of poverty.  This poem reinforces to be the fact that people don't grow up dreaming about being homeless- they dream the same dreams that we do; travelling the world, falling in love, starting a business, going to school or having a family.

Sleepy Angel

By Alan

I watched her quietly sleep with a slight smile on her face.

Maybe she was dreaming about when her mother threw her a birthday party when she was just six.

Or when she dreamed about being married to a Prince when she was a little girl.

Away she laid quietly sleeping on a cold winter night on a sidewalk downtown Edmonton.

Relationship Resolutions

Happy New Year from the Employment Centre! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and that the start to 2012 has brought fresh perspective and hope for positive change!

When I reflect on positive change in my own life, I am often first drawn to my interactions with others: how am I cherishing and investing in my existing relationships and preparing myself for new ones? Am I consciously making myself available to impact others and help them grow?

Whatever involvement you have with The Mustard Seed, if any, I challenge you to consider these questions. You may find that you’re prepared to reinvest some of that balance you’ve had saved in your relationship bank account. Even if it’s a small amount, the returns will be higher than you can imagine, as so many of the people we serve are in need of that investment, and there are so many ways to make that happen.

The Employment Centre offers a few of these opportunities. If you have a career, a few free hours a week, some computer skills, a voice in the business community, or really any of the above, I encourage you to couple that with your desire to help others and consider volunteering in this area.

One group of volunteers we have are those who help with job searching, résumés and interview skills. They meet with clients at our Centre Street location during the day or in the evening to work on these tangible tasks, but also to build relationships as they discuss goals and issues as they relate to achieving sustainable employment. We have great volunteers in place doing this now, but can always use more.

If you have an abundance of relationships, but more of which are found in the business community, those can also be helpful to our clients seeking to secure work. We have several inspirational “Volunteer Ambassadors” who are currently using their private-sector employer connections to spread the word about our program in their daily lives. There is a great message to spread about what’s happening here, but it takes relationships to disseminate it.

Our newest concept is a really exciting one. All of our clients have Employment Coaches, but support and mentorship beyond that can be truly invaluable. We’re looking for people to use their own employment experience as a way connect with someone who is seeking advice and encouragement as they pursue stable work. We will try to match clients with volunteers who share an interest in similar fields of work, but ultimately, real change and success will come from building a caring relationship.

If you would like to discuss any of these opportunities, please give us a call. And for the rest of you: what are your “relationship resolutions” for this year? Leave your comments below!