When Robert Frost wrote, that “Good fences make good neighbours” back in 1914, I wonder if he realized how wrong he was. If it was accurate back then, I’d argue that it has long since ceased to be true. Having lived my whole life in Canada, I would say that we like our fences more than we like our neighbours. The result of good fences has been the formation of barriers more than the forging of connections and these obstacles have fractured our neighbourhoods.
What I’ve experienced is that most of us commute in the early morning darkness, leaving from our garages and travelling to work. Most of us travel alone in cars made for five, listening to radio relationships while we worry about our families, our money and our inner sorrows, fears and hopes. Some of us return home in busses, ears filled with music that only we can hear, reading books only we enjoy. At the end of it all, we scurry back inside our homes. We can go weeks without seeing our neighbours, months without talking to one another. This is an individualistic journey we have created, where we travel alone in the comfort of isolation.
The result of this hard earned independence is that for most of us, we do not have a place where we can share our struggles. We don’t have a neighbour to turn to in trouble, and there’s no place for our troubled neighbour to reach out to us. We ‘love our neighbours’ vicariously through institutional philanthropy and nameless generosity all the while across the fence marriages end, month outlasts money and kids are raised to fear strangers while everyone’s strange. It is little wonder that the most vulnerable among us are swept to the margins into the fence carved alleys of homelessness. Every one of them was once a neighbour. Good fences make good neighbours?
On Sunday, my neighbour Matt and I passed a power drill back and forth over our shared fence. We undid the screws that held us apart and took down our fence. It is far too early to know if indeed we’ve begin the journey towards becoming ‘bad’ neighbours. All I can say is that my six year-old son, Ian immediately took advantage of the extra space he had to play and stopped to ask Matt if he could play in his backyard. Matt simply replied, “No… Ian, this whole backyard is yours.”
What difference have you seen fences make?
Please, leave a comment about ways you think we could be good neighbours.
Jeff: I appreciate this article which was pointed out to me yesterday by one of your fans and I have to say that as dog owners a good fence is a GOOD neighbour thing. I recently re-built a fence that stretched along 4 adjoining neighbours as we have no back aleyway - the largest section adjoining a fellow dog owner. During my time talking to Barry & Nicole we realized that their beloved lab Max had contracted cancer and passed on. Both pets max and Samson had been 'frequent visiotrs' to our yard due to the ruinous nature of our fence to-date. Sad - but as they shared their grief with us they mentioned they were about to bring in another puppy. hence the fence building would be both a protective device and by building it together we concreted our neighbourly affection for each other. Since we have had many more talks and rejoiced in the growth of the new lab taking Max's prestigious place. Of the other 3 neighbours - it was interesting as each section went up and the comments from neighbours heretofore never talked to. The last section was built originaly in 1976 by my dad and I, and like me, the previous neighbour's house was bought by their son. In the past their was a heated debate with the father over the fence alignment and the cost of construction to which the father of the neighbour jumped to my dad's defense and said "He's got it in the right place and it's a good fence. No stop being so cheap and pitch in!" to the present - no new section was built but all rotten boards were replaced. So fences mixed with generational neighbours and dogs make for good neighbours in our case. Not everyone shares a possibility of opening their fences and opening their hearts to each other like you and yours.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, ironically the timing of our 'downed' fence came on the heels of our dog, Owen's death. The conversation with our neighbours about the fence always came as we imagined life beyond our dog. A fence plays a crucial role in managing our pets.
DeleteAnd yet still, I would suspect that your story is rare where friendship comes alive as fences are built, mended and restored - that's to be celebrated. My experience has been different, where fences create barriers and do little to 'build, mend and restore' relationships. I'm glad that your story's been so rich.
Enjoy the the neighbou's new puppy and the ongoing gift of friendship made possible mending fences.
This is a story to celebrate with all the possibility it represents to us all. Indeed not every fence can or should come down, but what a wonderful thing that this one did.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 2, thanks for seeing the gift to our lives that the falling of this fence brings. Our kid's six year old friend, Lily saw the 'big backyard' made possible by the fence today and was awestruck by all that could happen in a yard that big. Community grows with the seeds of hope.
DeleteI find the truth in the story so true and a sad reflection on where society has changed from a family neighbourhood, where everyone knows and looks out for each other to a place where fences are built to protect ones possessions and privacy. As a child we ran freely between the houses, played outside until the street lights came on, treated every adult on the street as we would our own parents and shared many a meal with our neighbours. Life became so busy that we stopped making time for meeting the neighbours and the fences became an extension of the closed doors of our house. Last year we moved from our home and had a garage sale to help with the transition to a smaller home. It was that day that we met most of our neighbours a short 6 years after moving in. All wonderful people that had we only taken the time and brought down the fences would we possible made a great group of new friends. What a missed opportunity! Congratulations on taking fown the fence! Your family has expanded.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for speaking about what can be and what was. A great reminder of the tension of rebuilding community. I am inspired to live on, loving my neighbours, Cathy. Thank you.
DeleteThis summer, we'll be hosting a block party to continue the journey, shutting down the street to BBQ in the front yard and play some street hockey. We'll let the kids will run free, learning from them what it is to play as neighbours once more.