I'm trying to put my thoughts into words, but my thoughts are literally everywhere. Bear with me.
The Mustard Seed is running a blogger challenge for Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week. You choose from 7 different challenges relating to these issues, complete the challenge, write about your experience, and send it to them to post on their blog. Here is the list of challenges.
The challenge I chose was to panhandle for 2 hours. All money collected must be given to a local agency or used to buy another panhandler a meal. I wasn't allowed to say why I was panhandling.
I want to be honest about this challenge, and about how much I struggled with this.
The Mustard Seed is running a blogger challenge for Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week. You choose from 7 different challenges relating to these issues, complete the challenge, write about your experience, and send it to them to post on their blog. Here is the list of challenges.
The challenge I chose was to panhandle for 2 hours. All money collected must be given to a local agency or used to buy another panhandler a meal. I wasn't allowed to say why I was panhandling.
I want to be honest about this challenge, and about how much I struggled with this.
Actual time spent panhandling: 1.5 hours
Actual money collected: $0
I chose to spend my day off work on the streets appearing as if I were homeless. I guess a lot of people might think I am out of my mind. Going into this challenge, I wasn't sure what to expect. For this challenge I dressed in old/oversized sweaters, sweats, shoes with holes in them, old toque etc. I also applied eye shadow under my eyes and on various parts of my face to appear dirty and tired. I figured nobody would think I'm actually homeless unless I went all out.
Even as I started my journey on the LRT I felt like an outcast. As soon as I got on, I didn't want to see anybody so I literally stood facing the wall. I felt disgusting. Once I arrived in central downtown, I headed towards Chinatown (where a lot of Edmonton's homeless individuals spend time). I roamed the streets for a while, wondering what people would do as I walked past them. After about half an hour of walking, I chose to sit on a step outside of a closed-down store in Chinatown, as shown in the picture. Here are some things I've observed:
- People either completely ignored eye contact with me, or stared right at me as they walked by. Nobody offered to help. I'm a fairly small girl, so I'm assuming I didn't look too harmful. Maybe they felt sorry for me? I'm not sure.
- Two homeless men (one who appeared to be in his 40's and another in his 20's) said "hi" to me as they walked by, so I said "hi" back. Mutual understanding of the situation I was in, maybe.
- I witnessed some kind of alcohol exchange happen in front of me. A homeless couple pulled out a couple bottles of booze from under their jackets and handed it to another homeless guy that approached them at a cross walk.
- Nobody threatened me in any way. Also, nobody helped me in anyway. (Well, the homeless people who briefly talked to me made me smile.)
So here I am, left with a mix of emotions. This was emotionally draining. I felt extremely alone and uncomfortable, and I didn't know what to do with myself. I know my challenge was to 'panhandle', but I really just couldn't do it. Part of it was because I was embarrassed of who I was and I just didn't have the nerve to ask people for money. I'm usually on the under end of this relationship (aka the one being asked for money), and I know I (like others) respond by ignoring panhandlers. The other part was that I couldn't always tell who was homeless or not. I think I'd feel bad if I asked someone to give me money, if they were also struggling with finances.
Eventually, I built up the courage to ask someone for money. He was was a business man who walked past me while I sat on the steps. The only thing I said was, "excuse me, sir". In return, I was straight-up ignored. I should have expected it. This was sort of the 'breaking-point' for me. After being ignored, I felt hopeless and cut the challenge half an hour short.
So did I fail at this challenge? Yes and no. I didn't last the full 2 hours and I also didn't receive any money. However, this did allow me to get a bit of a better understanding of how it feels to be homeless. I can't comprehend all of my thoughts, but I'm definitely encouraged (and encourage you!) to learn more about hunger and homelessness. My 1.5 hours of struggling is just a mere glimpse of how thousands of others feel on a day to day basis.
As a result of this challenge, I'm going to scrimmage through my pantry at home and find some non-perishable foods to donate to my local food bank.
In addition, I've also recently started a project called Three Six Five (threesixfive.ca). For 365 days, I'm going to be completing an act of kindness each day, taking a photo of it, and posting it on my website. I would really appreciate if you checked it out, because this project is what has prompted me to The Mustard Seed's blogger challenge. Please check it out!
Eventually, I built up the courage to ask someone for money. He was was a business man who walked past me while I sat on the steps. The only thing I said was, "excuse me, sir". In return, I was straight-up ignored. I should have expected it. This was sort of the 'breaking-point' for me. After being ignored, I felt hopeless and cut the challenge half an hour short.
So did I fail at this challenge? Yes and no. I didn't last the full 2 hours and I also didn't receive any money. However, this did allow me to get a bit of a better understanding of how it feels to be homeless. I can't comprehend all of my thoughts, but I'm definitely encouraged (and encourage you!) to learn more about hunger and homelessness. My 1.5 hours of struggling is just a mere glimpse of how thousands of others feel on a day to day basis.
As a result of this challenge, I'm going to scrimmage through my pantry at home and find some non-perishable foods to donate to my local food bank.
In addition, I've also recently started a project called Three Six Five (threesixfive.ca). For 365 days, I'm going to be completing an act of kindness each day, taking a photo of it, and posting it on my website. I would really appreciate if you checked it out, because this project is what has prompted me to The Mustard Seed's blogger challenge. Please check it out!
- Michelle Lam, www.threesixfive.ca
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